So I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but I'm guessing yes. As I type this, I keep checking my wounds to see if they actually need band-aids -- I recently parted company with a little bit of skin on the palm of my left hand, the back of my left forearm (I'm talented like that!) and my left knee (and even a tiny bit on my right knee... but not nearly so bad as the left). All three of these locations are grotesquely swollen and beginning to turn interesting colours like green and purple and blue. My head hurts something fierce, and my neck is sore enough I suspect I've inflicted a minor case of whiplash upon myself. What did I do?
I didn't fall off my bike/rollerblades/skateboard. I didn't get hit by a car (did that once, came away with FAR less damage than I have now!) or a freight train, although it sure feels like it. No, I fell off my feet. That's right. I was dropped off across the street by a friend. I looked both ways to ensure there was no traffic. Then I took about two steps, tripped on the open pavement, stumbled forward rather quickly, realised there was no recovering from this, fell, caught myself with my hands, and then kept falling forward with my arm underneath my body. I actually bounced. Too bad no one was videotaping, I could have been famous in an AFV falling down montage. Oh yeah, the swelling happened immediately, and the bruising... well this happened less than an hour ago and already I am colourful.
So how in the world does one trip on nothing? Someone please tell me, because this is not the first time I have done it! I sprained my ankle on two separate occasions doing the very same thing (the other two times, I stepped in holes), and I feel very proud of myself to have made all my appendages go in the right directions to avoid another sprain. I think. The jury is still out on my arm, but if you had a 300lb+ woman land on you and skid forward, you would be swollen and black and blue too, I imagine.
I always have a few bruises on my person. I walk into stuff, hit myself with things, trip over nothing, it seems like I am the clumsiest person on earth. My mom said she wants to wrap me up in cotton batting. I told her I would probably get rugburn from it or something.
At least since my diagnosis, I can blame it on something besides me being a colossal klutz -- I know that with ADHD comes a tendency to not notice certain things in my environment... such as that small bump in the pavement, or my proximity to the door I am about to yank open. Or the coffee table. Once I decided to walk to the back door at my grandpa's house (I was like... 11 at the time, so there is no excuse for this...) completely forgetting about the 3 stairs down to the landing. CRASH! I trip over the cracks in the sidewalk, too, even when they're spray painted with bright colours.
So, who wants to follow me around with a video camera to capture my epic spills on tape?
Cross-posted to ADDer World.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Reflection on the close of the semester
So for the first time in my life, I finished an entire academic semester with full academic supports. I have my digital voice recorder with indexing to help me with my notes in class, I have permission to take notes on my laptop, I have text-to-speech software to help me stay focused while reading, and I have software to help me with the process of planning and organizing things. I have a good quality headset to use with my speech recognition software when writing papers. I have access to an academic strategist and a counselor. I have exam accommodations which allow me to write my exams in isolation on a computer, using my text-to-speech software to keep me on task. I have access to a note-taker if I need one.
Yesterday afternoon, for the first time in my life, I handed in the last of my assignments for the semester on the last day of the term. I did not miss any assignments and I did not Have to get an extension past when the term was over. Sure, one of them was overdue, but it's finished and I turned it in, which means I don't have to take an automatic fail in a class where I would otherwise be getting at least a B.
I was so happy yesterday!
After all that effort, I actually managed to successfully complete a semester of college. Amazing.
Today, I feel lost and deflated. No reason, I just do. I'm reminded of something in the book "Driven to Distraction" by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D.
The good news is I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow (or maybe friday... I'd better phone and find out!) and I can maybe talk about all this. I just need to remember to railroad the session!
Hallowell and Ratey had things to say about how to deal with this "post success letdown," too:
Speaking of, does anyone, anyone know of a doctor or a psychiatrist in Edmonton who has experience dealing with ADHD in adults? Anyone? I really want to see if medication will help me, but I don't know where to go, and I want to make sure whoever I'm dealing with knows what he or she is doing.
Quotations taken from "Driven to Distraction" by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. Published 1995 by Touchstone in New York, NY. Book can be found for purchase at Chapters.ca or Amazon.com; I really recommend it to anyone who is learning how to cope with ADHD, either themselves or in a family member.
Yesterday afternoon, for the first time in my life, I handed in the last of my assignments for the semester on the last day of the term. I did not miss any assignments and I did not Have to get an extension past when the term was over. Sure, one of them was overdue, but it's finished and I turned it in, which means I don't have to take an automatic fail in a class where I would otherwise be getting at least a B.
I was so happy yesterday!
After all that effort, I actually managed to successfully complete a semester of college. Amazing.
Today, I feel lost and deflated. No reason, I just do. I'm reminded of something in the book "Driven to Distraction" by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D.
Expect depression after success. People with ADD commonly complain of feeling depressed, paradoxically, after a big success. This is because the high stimulus of the chase or the challenge or the preparation is over. The deed is done. Win or lose, the adult with ADD misses the conflict, the high stimulus, and feels depressed." (Hallowell and Ratey, p. 251)On the one hand, this sounds absolutely crazy, but on the other it makes total sense. I tend to miss the chaos and the business of moving from one paper to another, group projects, deadlines, scrambling to make it to class on time, and all that good stuff. It's like the high-energy borderline gong show that is the opening night of a theatrical production. Now that I'm finished (at least until Monday), it's almost like my brain doesn't know what to do with itself if it's not juggling the 50 million tasks I give it on a normal basis.
The good news is I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow (or maybe friday... I'd better phone and find out!) and I can maybe talk about all this. I just need to remember to railroad the session!
Hallowell and Ratey had things to say about how to deal with this "post success letdown," too:
Try to let a successful moment last and be remembered and become sustaining over time. You'll have to train yourself to do this because you'll naturally tend to forget your successes as you brood over your shortcomings or pessimistically anticipate the worst. (Hallowell and Ratey, p. 252)Looks like maybe I have a new skill to practice, I guess I'll just add it to the rest! Blah. Must. Not. Get. Overwhelmed.
Speaking of, does anyone, anyone know of a doctor or a psychiatrist in Edmonton who has experience dealing with ADHD in adults? Anyone? I really want to see if medication will help me, but I don't know where to go, and I want to make sure whoever I'm dealing with knows what he or she is doing.
Quotations taken from "Driven to Distraction" by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. Published 1995 by Touchstone in New York, NY. Book can be found for purchase at Chapters.ca or Amazon.com; I really recommend it to anyone who is learning how to cope with ADHD, either themselves or in a family member.
Monday, November 03, 2008
I am not a failure.
A lifetime
of missed instructions
forgotten missions
false starts and lost endings
of chaos and defeat
of missed appointments
forgotten reminders
false friends and lost memories
of lather, rinse, repeat
of missed assignments
forgotten deadlines
false impressions and lost marks
of squirming in my seat
"If only you'd apply yourself,"
they tell me, and
"You just need to make yourself do it, really."
"You've got so much potential, if only you were more motivated!"
All they see is how bright I am
how far I can go
no one sees how hard I struggle
I'm not a disaster on purpose --
I want to succeed.
And now
finally
someone hears me
finally
a name and a reason for the chaos and the tears
finally
stories of other people
whose stories sound like my own
finally
maybe now I can learn how to live
rather than merely struggling to exist
finally
I know I have ADHD
This explains everything.
of missed instructions
forgotten missions
false starts and lost endings
of chaos and defeat
of missed appointments
forgotten reminders
false friends and lost memories
of lather, rinse, repeat
of missed assignments
forgotten deadlines
false impressions and lost marks
of squirming in my seat
"If only you'd apply yourself,"
they tell me, and
"You just need to make yourself do it, really."
"You've got so much potential, if only you were more motivated!"
All they see is how bright I am
how far I can go
no one sees how hard I struggle
I'm not a disaster on purpose --
I want to succeed.
And now
finally
someone hears me
finally
a name and a reason for the chaos and the tears
finally
stories of other people
whose stories sound like my own
finally
maybe now I can learn how to live
rather than merely struggling to exist
finally
I know I have ADHD
This explains everything.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Anger and the beast within
I am so unbelievably angry right now, and I misdirected it, which makes me more angry.
I hate being angry like this. It feels like I'm going to explode and then just scream and scream and scream... and then it turns into a sick feeling in my stomach and a crushing feeling in my chest, like a panic attack, only i know it's anger, not panic.
It makes me want to tear my skin off.
I hate being angry like this. It feels like I'm going to explode and then just scream and scream and scream... and then it turns into a sick feeling in my stomach and a crushing feeling in my chest, like a panic attack, only i know it's anger, not panic.
It makes me want to tear my skin off.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Summer Blues
The end of June has always, in some part of my mind, equated to the end of everything. It's probably because it was the end of the school year for thirteen years. By the end of June everything was over; Guiding, softball, and school. The Owlsnest closed. Most of my regular babysitting jobs were on hiatus for the summer. My Grandpa died in June. Fifteen years later and I still miss him horribly. The high point of my summer was always going down to visit him for a few weeks. He and I were the early risers. We would spend that quiet first part of the day together, opening the blinds, watering the plants, talking quietly over cereal, and just enjoying each other's company. It was a magical time, it was our time. Dawn feels empty without him, especially in the summer.
The end of June used to mark a few weeks of swimming lessons and playing outside with the neighbours, of being put to work on various projects in the house, but always there was vacation at Grandpa's to anticipate. After he died, there was no longer that mid-point to look forward to. It was just endless summer, helping Dad build a new fence, painting things, cleaning things, organizing things, scraping up enough money to go to a Guide camp now and then, swim lessons and bike rides, and the occasional vacation. But although school years have come and gone, and the weather has become hot and the days long, that carefree thing that was summer has not returned. I miss it.
The end of June used to mark a few weeks of swimming lessons and playing outside with the neighbours, of being put to work on various projects in the house, but always there was vacation at Grandpa's to anticipate. After he died, there was no longer that mid-point to look forward to. It was just endless summer, helping Dad build a new fence, painting things, cleaning things, organizing things, scraping up enough money to go to a Guide camp now and then, swim lessons and bike rides, and the occasional vacation. But although school years have come and gone, and the weather has become hot and the days long, that carefree thing that was summer has not returned. I miss it.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
http://ca.360.yahoo.com/panastwins
A life,
eager to find this world,
sprung from the womb precipitously
A life,
struggling for every breath, every heartbeat
each moment simultaneously a blessing and a prayer
A life,
over almost before it had begun;
his days were numbered 123.
A life,
filled with tubes and needles
surgeries and procedures
A life,
confined to hospitals, to incubators
to ambulances, to pods
A life,
inextricably tied and intertwined
with that of another soul, his twin, his brother
A life,
released, unfettered
never to experience the woes of maturity
A life,
truncated, denied the joys
and the sorrows of humanity
A life,
so briefly touching mine
so profoundly echoing in my heart.
Farewell, Andrew.
eager to find this world,
sprung from the womb precipitously
A life,
struggling for every breath, every heartbeat
each moment simultaneously a blessing and a prayer
A life,
over almost before it had begun;
his days were numbered 123.
A life,
filled with tubes and needles
surgeries and procedures
A life,
confined to hospitals, to incubators
to ambulances, to pods
A life,
inextricably tied and intertwined
with that of another soul, his twin, his brother
A life,
released, unfettered
never to experience the woes of maturity
A life,
truncated, denied the joys
and the sorrows of humanity
A life,
so briefly touching mine
so profoundly echoing in my heart.
Farewell, Andrew.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Existential depression
It's a plague, it saps my strength, my will. There is no cure, no balm, no relief, only overwhelming despair, and guilt for that despair.
http://gtadults.blogspot.com/2006/05/existential-depression.html
http://gtadults.blogspot.com/2006/05/existential-depression.html
Monday, February 12, 2007
A poem not by me.
I breathe in
Not wanting to breathe out
Not wanting to continue
In this cycle
If I can hold this breath
One second longer
Than the pain
Won’t ache as much
And time will have stopped
For a second
And for that one second
It will be as if I had not existed
Not taken up space
Not ruined a perfect moment
Not been myself
But my body defies my wishes
For I can only hold it so long
Before, against all desire,
I live, regardless of the pain.
~bluepixie
Not wanting to breathe out
Not wanting to continue
In this cycle
If I can hold this breath
One second longer
Than the pain
Won’t ache as much
And time will have stopped
For a second
And for that one second
It will be as if I had not existed
Not taken up space
Not ruined a perfect moment
Not been myself
But my body defies my wishes
For I can only hold it so long
Before, against all desire,
I live, regardless of the pain.
~bluepixie
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Useless
i'm worthless.
i can't function within normal society.
i'm going to lose my job again because of attendance issues.
i'll never have a career, a house, a family.
i am incapable of achieving anything worthwhile.
maybe i should just quit.
i can't have perfect attendance for two months. i just can't. i almost always oversleep, i frequently miss my bus. i am frequently 5-15 minutes late. no matter how hard i try, no matter what i do, i continue to fail at life. i'm doomed
i can't function within normal society.
i'm going to lose my job again because of attendance issues.
i'll never have a career, a house, a family.
i am incapable of achieving anything worthwhile.
maybe i should just quit.
i can't have perfect attendance for two months. i just can't. i almost always oversleep, i frequently miss my bus. i am frequently 5-15 minutes late. no matter how hard i try, no matter what i do, i continue to fail at life. i'm doomed
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
It continues.
panic attack!
i'm going to lose my job if i don't pull it together. but that prospect makes me fall apart more.
panic attack!
i have to move. i hate the finality of it, but i will not survive here much longer.
panic attack!
winter rears its ugly head. i cannot remember winter's beginning, nor can i imagine winter's end.
panic attack!
i need to get out of here, but there is nowhere to go. how can one hide from oneself?
panic attack!
i need out. there is no way out. i am trapped in a snare that i wove myself. i forget how to unravel it. i lack the strength to break free.
panic attack!
was there ever a difference between sleeping and weeping?
i'm going to lose my job if i don't pull it together. but that prospect makes me fall apart more.
panic attack!
i have to move. i hate the finality of it, but i will not survive here much longer.
panic attack!
winter rears its ugly head. i cannot remember winter's beginning, nor can i imagine winter's end.
panic attack!
i need to get out of here, but there is nowhere to go. how can one hide from oneself?
panic attack!
i need out. there is no way out. i am trapped in a snare that i wove myself. i forget how to unravel it. i lack the strength to break free.
panic attack!
was there ever a difference between sleeping and weeping?
Friday, October 27, 2006
Self-Sabotage...
So I didn't sleep last night, I was too busy fretting over work/distracting myself in the chat room. I hate nights like that...
Now I'm sitting at work, 1.5 hours into a 10-hour shift. I am finally starting to feel tired, and am horking back the coffee to stay awake. I seriously hope I can make it to the end of the day.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? I don't understand why I keep acting like I have some drive to fail. I want to succeed. I want to keep my job. I want to live my life and be okay, and I keep doing dumb stuff like stay up all night to undermine all the hard work I've been doing.
I hate myself so much right now, because I am miserable and I have no one to blame but myself. I am my own worst enemy.
Now I'm sitting at work, 1.5 hours into a 10-hour shift. I am finally starting to feel tired, and am horking back the coffee to stay awake. I seriously hope I can make it to the end of the day.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? I don't understand why I keep acting like I have some drive to fail. I want to succeed. I want to keep my job. I want to live my life and be okay, and I keep doing dumb stuff like stay up all night to undermine all the hard work I've been doing.
I hate myself so much right now, because I am miserable and I have no one to blame but myself. I am my own worst enemy.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
The End... I wish!
I can't handle my life right now. It has become painfully clear to me that I am not wanted or needed anywhere. I am obivously not a real person, and I do not deserve any privacy, digity, or respect in my own house. Scratch that, I don't have a home. I'm just a squatter in my brother and his girlfriend's house. I've been utterly replaced. I wish I could just pack up and leave, but I'm too broken to function. I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I have been utterly betrayed by everyone I've been holding on for. I think I need to leave Edmonton. But go where? The world is a big, lonely thing, with no place in it for me.The people who care don't deserve to have to deal with my insanity and instability. What right do I have to subject them to it? And yet, this nagging, infernal sense of duty will not let me be. So I'll gather my shell of public stability and continue pretending to be okay.
Maybe if I was more irresposnible with my money, or if I was completely defying the morals my parents tried to pass on to me, or if I was a fucking criminal, they would accept me for what I am and let me have the space and understanding that I need in order to heal.
Maybe if I was more irresposnible with my money, or if I was completely defying the morals my parents tried to pass on to me, or if I was a fucking criminal, they would accept me for what I am and let me have the space and understanding that I need in order to heal.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Useless
I had to drop out of school. I've been late for work 3 out of 5 days this week. I was $20 short on my rent. I'm going to be penalized by my landlords for not doing any yardwork this month. I'm doing a crappy job keeping my blog updated. My boss pretty much told me to go to hell (in not so many words) today when I asked him nicely about adjusting my schedule so that I can actually go to my one remaining class next week.
I try so hard and I get nowhere. I put in so much effort but I get no results. I just try and try and I still look like a total slacker and a failure.
My life has not changed in 5 years. Why bother trying anymore?
I try so hard and I get nowhere. I put in so much effort but I get no results. I just try and try and I still look like a total slacker and a failure.
My life has not changed in 5 years. Why bother trying anymore?
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Wow.
One person in the world cares if I update my blog. Good to know.
Nothing to update really. Taking my meds erratically, sleeping erratically, eating erratically, going to work erratically. Still alive and occasionally regretting it.
Kals the invisible.
Nothing to update really. Taking my meds erratically, sleeping erratically, eating erratically, going to work erratically. Still alive and occasionally regretting it.
Kals the invisible.
Friday, September 01, 2006
um
I thought I should post a new post to prove I'm still alive. Here I am.
I'm going back to school, yay me. Too bad I think i'm dying of endocarditis. Not really, but it did cross my mind earlier this week, and apparantly it crossed my doctor's mind too, cause i had to have blood cultures done. Ew, that was a lot of blood they took.
My niece is coming to town, I get to meet her at last.
uih what else... nothing really. a week of no work, thanks to a fever that no one can explain...
I'm going back to school, yay me. Too bad I think i'm dying of endocarditis. Not really, but it did cross my mind earlier this week, and apparantly it crossed my doctor's mind too, cause i had to have blood cultures done. Ew, that was a lot of blood they took.
My niece is coming to town, I get to meet her at last.
uih what else... nothing really. a week of no work, thanks to a fever that no one can explain...
Friday, August 18, 2006
Walking for life
On Sunday, September 24th, I am participating in the Cheerios Heart&Stroke Walk for Heart. Our goal is to raise over $3.2 million in support of heart disease and stroke research and health education programs. The reason? Heart disease and stroke remains the leading cause of death in Canada.
Millions of Canadians – family, friends and colleagues - may develop some form of heart disease and stroke throughout their lives. By helping The Heart and Stroke Foundation fund the best research possible, we can find the answers that will make a difference to their future and yours.
You can help me raise funds for this important cause and help the Heart and Stroke Foundation reach their goal of $3.2 million for life-saving research. To sponsor me online, just click this link to access my secure fundraising page.
As many of you know, I have a congenital heart condition, a bicuspid aortic valve. While this condition does not currently have much effect on my day-to-day life, I will eventually require open-heart valve replacement surgery. So I have a special reason to want to support this organization.
If you are interested in participating in the walk, please visit this site.
Millions of Canadians – family, friends and colleagues - may develop some form of heart disease and stroke throughout their lives. By helping The Heart and Stroke Foundation fund the best research possible, we can find the answers that will make a difference to their future and yours.
You can help me raise funds for this important cause and help the Heart and Stroke Foundation reach their goal of $3.2 million for life-saving research. To sponsor me online, just click this link to access my secure fundraising page.
As many of you know, I have a congenital heart condition, a bicuspid aortic valve. While this condition does not currently have much effect on my day-to-day life, I will eventually require open-heart valve replacement surgery. So I have a special reason to want to support this organization.
If you are interested in participating in the walk, please visit this site.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Craptastic
So my brother did something colassally stupid and I can't talk about it here because a: he hasn't talked to my parents yet and I want to give them a chance to hear it from him first. b: he hasn't told my other brother about the first colassally stupid thing he did that was related to this, and I want him to hear it from him, not me. c: it really is a horrible thing and I don't really want to share it with people outside my family.
But he hurt me a lot, and has left me feeling unsafe in my own home. I don't want to move, I hate moving. But I think I have to. Too many panic attacks over little stuff.
He and I have the same work schedule now, which means that I can just ride to and from work with him once my team moves down to the new site. Yay for that. I can then spend less than half what I have been on transit and give him the difference for gas money. That only works if I don't move though.
Ran into a friend of mine on my lunch break yesterday... and his girlfriend. I really like him, so the whole girlfriend part sucks. But we had a pleasant lunch.
For those who don't know (why am I writing as if more than 3 people ever read this? I dunno, wishful thinking, I guess), I switched from the 3-midnight shift to the 7:30am-4:30pm shift as of monday. I had one day off in between to adjust. That's probably why I can't sleep properly yet, and why I feel like crap physically. It feels bizarre to be out on my lunch break and have the sun overhead, and it feels strange to have the sun on my left instead of on my right while waiting for the bus in the morning, especially when my body is telling me it's the middle of the night. I swear I have jetlag, only I got ripped off because I never went anywhere.
Went to the doctor today (called in sick, then slept late and missed my doc altogether and had to see a generic clinic doctor) and got a refill on my celexa, also got it bumped up to 20mg from 10. I also whined about my sinuses and about how my ears won't pop when I go down the elevator from the 29th floor at work, and he gave me some free flonaze. YAY! I used to use that and it worked great so I'm glad I've got it back.
When I got my new glasses, the magnetic clipon sunglasses had a flaw so they ordered a new one under warranty for me. I just went down to pick up the replacement and discovered someone from group works there now. We did some catching up (totally against the rules) and I went on my way. I tried to put the clip on my glasses and discoverred it just doesn't fit, so I went back. Turns out they put the magnet in upside down so it was positive to positive. So they gave me my old clip back and sent away for another one.
Ok I think i'm done having insomnia now, I'd best go back to bed so i can get up for antoher day of fun-filled tech support.
But he hurt me a lot, and has left me feeling unsafe in my own home. I don't want to move, I hate moving. But I think I have to. Too many panic attacks over little stuff.
He and I have the same work schedule now, which means that I can just ride to and from work with him once my team moves down to the new site. Yay for that. I can then spend less than half what I have been on transit and give him the difference for gas money. That only works if I don't move though.
Ran into a friend of mine on my lunch break yesterday... and his girlfriend. I really like him, so the whole girlfriend part sucks. But we had a pleasant lunch.
For those who don't know (why am I writing as if more than 3 people ever read this? I dunno, wishful thinking, I guess), I switched from the 3-midnight shift to the 7:30am-4:30pm shift as of monday. I had one day off in between to adjust. That's probably why I can't sleep properly yet, and why I feel like crap physically. It feels bizarre to be out on my lunch break and have the sun overhead, and it feels strange to have the sun on my left instead of on my right while waiting for the bus in the morning, especially when my body is telling me it's the middle of the night. I swear I have jetlag, only I got ripped off because I never went anywhere.
Went to the doctor today (called in sick, then slept late and missed my doc altogether and had to see a generic clinic doctor) and got a refill on my celexa, also got it bumped up to 20mg from 10. I also whined about my sinuses and about how my ears won't pop when I go down the elevator from the 29th floor at work, and he gave me some free flonaze. YAY! I used to use that and it worked great so I'm glad I've got it back.
When I got my new glasses, the magnetic clipon sunglasses had a flaw so they ordered a new one under warranty for me. I just went down to pick up the replacement and discovered someone from group works there now. We did some catching up (totally against the rules) and I went on my way. I tried to put the clip on my glasses and discoverred it just doesn't fit, so I went back. Turns out they put the magnet in upside down so it was positive to positive. So they gave me my old clip back and sent away for another one.
Ok I think i'm done having insomnia now, I'd best go back to bed so i can get up for antoher day of fun-filled tech support.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Poo
0 comments. figures. probably talking to myself as usual.
Still here. Feel like crap. In case anyone cares.
I'll be better once things stop being so shitty and I stop being a moron about it.
Still here. Feel like crap. In case anyone cares.
I'll be better once things stop being so shitty and I stop being a moron about it.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Crazy Sunday.
Sunday was quite the exciting day.
H. and I were going to go shopping, then head to the Ex to see a concert. Sounded like a good time. We left my house and started walking to the LRT station.
So there I was, walking along, pushing my H's wheelchair as we embarked on a mission of shopping and concert-going, when I saw the jack russell terrier from the junkyard on the corner running loose. I mentioned that it had gotten out and then described the two other dogs in the junkyard. Obligingly, the other two appeared at the fence and started barking at us. (We were on the other side of the street and about to turn the corner in the opposite direction of the junkyard.). We turned the corner and I thought that the barking suddenly seemed closer, but before I could turn to look, the frickin jack russell bit the back of my leg! WTF!!!
Good thing I'm not a small person, or he would have had a much better grip and possibly ripped out my achilles tendon. As it is, i have a small fang-gash and some bad bruising.
Why can't my life just be normal for once?
We went up to Clairview, had lunch, found new gloves for H, new clothes for me, then hopped back on the trian and went to Northlands, wound our way through the crazy crowds of people in the midway, and got to the concert venue.
All the wheelchair people were let into the concert venue first and given places up front where the crowd wouldn't block their view of the stage. We had a blast listening to the first opening act (Murder City Sparrows rock, and thier bass player is yummy) , were tortured by the second one (I think my ears were bleeding by the end), and then all the wheelchair users were dragged out to the back before the main act started.
Why? "Because if the crowd rushes, they'll get hurt" or "because we can't get over the barrier if they're up against it"
At least, I think that was what was said. The security guards didn't talk to myself or H. about it at all. we got this information from what little we could hear of the conversations with the other four wheelchair users and their companions.
Then all of the sudden this security guard comes out of nowhere and says to me "We're moving you out now." I stare blankly, not knowing what she's talking about. "Please don't look at me like that!" she snaps. I make some vague noise of incomprehension and points at H. "Are you with her?" I nod. She gives me some vague explaination that "we're moving them" to a different area on the other side and in the back. I ask if H. will be able to see, and the security lady says yes impatiently. We are being a nuisance by not cooperating like good cattle and following orders without question. I grab my bag and step back so that H. can go ahead of me and wheel out through the aisle they had opened in the crowd. The security guard at the other end was waiting for us and talked quite pleasantly to me. H. at this point was extremely angry. We had to wait for the others to wheel out of the crowd before they told us where we were going. They herded us like cattle to our assigned area, about 20 feet behind the crowd on the other side of the venue. Then the rude security lady came and snapped something to H. about moving closer if she wanted. When H. expressed her extreme displeasure at the situation and stated she wanted to get her money refunded and to leave, the security lady said "You'll have to talk to ticketmaster for that" and walked away. This was the only time that anyone bothered to even talk to H. directly. She was so furious and mortified she was in tears. And to top it all off, she couldn't see the stage. Then as a consolation prize, we were told we would be first in line to meet the band and have stuff signed. We were there to watch the band perform, not listen to them and then get their autographs.
So many things are wrong with the way this went.
1: Why did they seat the wheelchair users in that location if they were going to move them? It's cruel to let them see the opening acts and drag them away for the main act. These people came for the main act, just like eveeryone else.
2: What gives a bunch of able-bodied teenagers more right to be able to see the concert than people in wheelchairs? Since when did people with disabilities become second-class citizens in this country?
3: The fact that H. is sitting in a wheelchair does not automatically make her deaf or stupid. Why did no one do her the courtesy of speaking directly to her?
4: People in wheelchairs do not all belong to the same party or group. Just because you talked to one person does not mean that all know what is going on.
5: The 8-year-old girl that was standing by us was in far greater danger of being crushed by the crowd than the five people in wheelchairs were.
I think that the security guards were more concerned with liability issues than with the safety of concert attendees. I was apalled and disgusted at the treatment that all five of the people in wheelchairs received. What an awful state the world is in. I'm not saying they should get special treatment, I just think they should have the same rights as everyone else.
We stuck around and enjoyed most of the rest of the concert, ate some greasy carnival food, won a few stuffed animals, and got some cotton candy to bring home to Shane, ignored mst of the fireworks, and then went home and crawled into bed.
What a day.
Monday, I went to the doctor and showed her the dog bite. She gave me a tetanus shot (which still hurts worse than the dog bite) and some antibiotic cream. Then I called animal control and they sent a couple of officers over to take a statement. Looks like I get to go to court and hopefully get the dog owner a tasty fine for dog attack causing injury. Yesterday morning the doc called me to ask if she could give her report on the dog bite to the bylaw officers. I said yes, of course. The health inspector called me this morning but I missed it, and he wasn't answering his phone when I called him back. The dog is under a 10-day quarantine to make sure it doesn't have rabies. I hope that's not the reason the health inspector is calling me :S
H. and I were going to go shopping, then head to the Ex to see a concert. Sounded like a good time. We left my house and started walking to the LRT station.
So there I was, walking along, pushing my H's wheelchair as we embarked on a mission of shopping and concert-going, when I saw the jack russell terrier from the junkyard on the corner running loose. I mentioned that it had gotten out and then described the two other dogs in the junkyard. Obligingly, the other two appeared at the fence and started barking at us. (We were on the other side of the street and about to turn the corner in the opposite direction of the junkyard.). We turned the corner and I thought that the barking suddenly seemed closer, but before I could turn to look, the frickin jack russell bit the back of my leg! WTF!!!
Good thing I'm not a small person, or he would have had a much better grip and possibly ripped out my achilles tendon. As it is, i have a small fang-gash and some bad bruising.
Why can't my life just be normal for once?
We went up to Clairview, had lunch, found new gloves for H, new clothes for me, then hopped back on the trian and went to Northlands, wound our way through the crazy crowds of people in the midway, and got to the concert venue.
All the wheelchair people were let into the concert venue first and given places up front where the crowd wouldn't block their view of the stage. We had a blast listening to the first opening act (Murder City Sparrows rock, and thier bass player is yummy) , were tortured by the second one (I think my ears were bleeding by the end), and then all the wheelchair users were dragged out to the back before the main act started.
Why? "Because if the crowd rushes, they'll get hurt" or "because we can't get over the barrier if they're up against it"
At least, I think that was what was said. The security guards didn't talk to myself or H. about it at all. we got this information from what little we could hear of the conversations with the other four wheelchair users and their companions.
Then all of the sudden this security guard comes out of nowhere and says to me "We're moving you out now." I stare blankly, not knowing what she's talking about. "Please don't look at me like that!" she snaps. I make some vague noise of incomprehension and points at H. "Are you with her?" I nod. She gives me some vague explaination that "we're moving them" to a different area on the other side and in the back. I ask if H. will be able to see, and the security lady says yes impatiently. We are being a nuisance by not cooperating like good cattle and following orders without question. I grab my bag and step back so that H. can go ahead of me and wheel out through the aisle they had opened in the crowd. The security guard at the other end was waiting for us and talked quite pleasantly to me. H. at this point was extremely angry. We had to wait for the others to wheel out of the crowd before they told us where we were going. They herded us like cattle to our assigned area, about 20 feet behind the crowd on the other side of the venue. Then the rude security lady came and snapped something to H. about moving closer if she wanted. When H. expressed her extreme displeasure at the situation and stated she wanted to get her money refunded and to leave, the security lady said "You'll have to talk to ticketmaster for that" and walked away. This was the only time that anyone bothered to even talk to H. directly. She was so furious and mortified she was in tears. And to top it all off, she couldn't see the stage. Then as a consolation prize, we were told we would be first in line to meet the band and have stuff signed. We were there to watch the band perform, not listen to them and then get their autographs.
So many things are wrong with the way this went.
1: Why did they seat the wheelchair users in that location if they were going to move them? It's cruel to let them see the opening acts and drag them away for the main act. These people came for the main act, just like eveeryone else.
2: What gives a bunch of able-bodied teenagers more right to be able to see the concert than people in wheelchairs? Since when did people with disabilities become second-class citizens in this country?
3: The fact that H. is sitting in a wheelchair does not automatically make her deaf or stupid. Why did no one do her the courtesy of speaking directly to her?
4: People in wheelchairs do not all belong to the same party or group. Just because you talked to one person does not mean that all know what is going on.
5: The 8-year-old girl that was standing by us was in far greater danger of being crushed by the crowd than the five people in wheelchairs were.
I think that the security guards were more concerned with liability issues than with the safety of concert attendees. I was apalled and disgusted at the treatment that all five of the people in wheelchairs received. What an awful state the world is in. I'm not saying they should get special treatment, I just think they should have the same rights as everyone else.
We stuck around and enjoyed most of the rest of the concert, ate some greasy carnival food, won a few stuffed animals, and got some cotton candy to bring home to Shane, ignored mst of the fireworks, and then went home and crawled into bed.
What a day.
Monday, I went to the doctor and showed her the dog bite. She gave me a tetanus shot (which still hurts worse than the dog bite) and some antibiotic cream. Then I called animal control and they sent a couple of officers over to take a statement. Looks like I get to go to court and hopefully get the dog owner a tasty fine for dog attack causing injury. Yesterday morning the doc called me to ask if she could give her report on the dog bite to the bylaw officers. I said yes, of course. The health inspector called me this morning but I missed it, and he wasn't answering his phone when I called him back. The dog is under a 10-day quarantine to make sure it doesn't have rabies. I hope that's not the reason the health inspector is calling me :S
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