Self-Sabotage...

So I didn't sleep last night, I was too busy fretting over work/distracting myself in the chat room. I hate nights like that...

Now I'm sitting at work, 1.5 hours into a 10-hour shift. I am finally starting to feel tired, and am horking back the coffee to stay awake. I seriously hope I can make it to the end of the day.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I don't understand why I keep acting like I have some drive to fail. I want to succeed. I want to keep my job. I want to live my life and be okay, and I keep doing dumb stuff like stay up all night to undermine all the hard work I've been doing.

I hate myself so much right now, because I am miserable and I have no one to blame but myself. I am my own worst enemy.